...the feeling of overwhelming despair that lies underneath it all. Whenever I take down my guard, let down my fences, roll up the barbed wire, and try to take a deep breath I can't help feeling this...depression.
There is no other word for it. This feeling that eats at my will to live. This feeling that makes not even exposing the truth worthwhile.
I feel so small and insignificant against this. I am powerless to try to stop it.
This feeling blankets me under the guise of keeping me warm, but it manages to chill me form the inside with no hope of my warmth ever returning.
I'm not sure how to stop this feeling. I know that my preferred coping mechanism is a) not what my "friends" prefer b) not politically correct and c) harmful. Yes, I DO recognize that it's harmful. Researching it found me shaking and crying in the wake of this knowledge.
Spilling this hasn't produced any revelations as for what to do about this, but it has given me a chance to take some of the weight away.
If you're reading this, congratulations on wading your way through such heavy prose and gobs of metaphors.
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